the weight u dun spill.

 

the truth is - i hav bad days too. but i try my very best not to spill them on anyone else.

even after a long, draining week, when ppl add their own sparks to my alrdy heavy load, i hold myself back. u mght no giv a flyin fcuk on my days, but i keep remind myself dat jst like me, they r probably fighting their own battles. everyone has those days where nothg goes right - even if u turn left - coffee spills, shitty workmates, and everythg feels like it is falling apart no matter how hard they try.

there's always a reason behind y ppl act the way they do, or y they dun. and really, ffs – throwing more fire into the blaze never helps. if anythg, a lil kindness can soften the flames.

i believe dat bad day r part of us. but if we want dis world to stay gentler, a lil easier to fcukin live in - we need to carry some self-control and a whole lot of understanding wit us, every day.

the art of letting ppl be.

we r not getting younger. and wit every passing day, month, and year – the truth becomes clearer: life is too bloody short to beg for love, to chase half-hearted ppl, or to keep forcing doors dat were never meant to open.

we jst wanna be around those who offer us somethg real - genuine love, honest support, the kinda presence dat doesnt need to be explained, or begged for.

let us keep dis in out freakin mind - no more wasting energy on wat we cant control. no more runnin in circles tryin to change ppl who've alrdy shown us who the fcuk really they r. we gotta let life unfold. we let ppl reveal their tru intentions. we accepts wat hurts, we welcome wat heals, and we stay open enuogh to be surprised by both.

rmbr - is someone wants to love us, they will. and if they want to fcukin hurt us, they will. if they want to treat us as disposable, they definitely will. and dats ok - we no longer cling. we no longer force. we put on our "pi mampos" mode if we need to. we simply choose. we choose to hold on to the ones who we see our worth, and quietly release the rest.

bcoz in the end - peace is not about havin control over everythg. no, it isnt. it is about choosing where to place ur time, ur energy, and ur bloody heart, too. 

and we gotta choose to invest only in wats real.

---

u gais hav a great Wednesday, ya? take care.

unsettled.

the head feels full today. heavy. dat dragging weight in u, the kind dat makes u want to talk, but then u rmbr - there’s no one. or maybe there is, but no one who’d really giv a damn. it’s jst dis noise inside, unsettled, and u cant even fcukin name wat it is.

reached home at 5. didnt sit, didnt think. i jst hit the road, walking fast, like maybe the feet cld walk it off. music in the ears, but the mind - the mind was nowhere near the songs. it was scattered, restless, everywhere all at once.

maybe i shld stop digging into it, stop asking wats wrong. maybe the answer isnt there. maybe it’s jst shower, crash early, hope trow feels less heavy.

sometimes i wonder - is it only me? or hav u felt dis way too?

no more room for almost.

u can never be frens wit them again. not becoz u hate them, but becoz u’ve finally learned to respect urself.

frenship is built on trust, respect - and when dat trust breaks, it doesnt matter how many jokes u once shared or how many nights u sat together talking about everythg and nothg. the cracks r still there. u can pour all the laughter, all the apologies, all the nostalgia into it, but it wont fcukin hold. it wont be wat it once was.

u’ve spent too long excusing the silences. pretending the small betrayals werent betrayals at all. convincing urself dat giving more was simply love, when really it was u abandoning urself to keep someone else close. and now u finally see it - the version of u who cld survive on scraps, who believed bein taken for granted was normal, is gone. u buried dat version. u dun live there anymore.

dis isnt anger. dis isnt revenge. dis is u building walls where u used to build doors. dis is u learning dat growth means leaving garbage behind, even when every part of u aches to hold on. maybe they changed. maybe u did. or maybe u jst stopped lying to urself about wat their frenship really was.

and so u’ve closed the door they once slammed shut w/o even looking back. u’ve locked it. u’ve walked away. wishing them well from a distance is not cruelty. it’s fcukin clarity. it’s the quiet understanding dat not everyone who was part of ur story deserves to be part of ur future.

sometimes the kindest thg u’ll ever do for urself is to say goodbye for good - and never turn around to see if they followed.