dear anon, as per request.

 

there r days when the world feels too quiet. the kinda quiet, tp ko rasa tak tenang, hollow deep down ko tak bley nak explain. and then there r days when everythg feels too loud, giler overwhelming. and i gez dats wat grief does - it shifts the weight of the world, w/o warning. some days u carry it well, ko rasa ok, happy. some days - it carries u.

grieving is not jst about loss. or kematian. or perit akibat kehilangan. grieving, is about ko nak tak nak, ko kena bljr mcmana nak carry on hidup, wit the absence. it is about waking up tiap pagi, tryin to figure out how to breathe, in a world dat no longer looks, or feels the same. it is not always tears and sad songs. sometimes, it is silent scrolling, a sudden wave of emotion in the mid of a happy moment, or the guilt of laughing when hati ko still rasa sedih dan kosong.

ppl say, "times heal". but i dun think time truly heals anythg. wat it does, maybe - is teach us how to carry thgs differently. ppl say, "pelan-pelan lah.. lama-lama ko okay lah tu", fcuk them they r not in ur shoes and they dun knw how it feels. they knw shyte. the fact is - grief does not leave, it changes shape. over time, ko akan bljr mcmana to live wit love dat has nowhere to go. ko akan learn to talk about them, w/o falling apart. ko akan back smiling at the memories, w/o drowning urself in them.

and yet, even wit dat learning, there will always be moments - quiet ones, sudden ones - where it all rushes back in. trust me, dats normal. dats human. we r all human. and it is ok to miss them loudly. it is ok to cry for no reason. it is ok to be ok one day, and not ok the next day. coz u r a human. we r all, fcukin human. rmbr, grief is not a timeline. it does not follow rules. it loops. it stumbles. it surprises u in the most ordinary moments.

if u need to cry - cry. if ur heart feels heavy - let it speak. ur not weak for feeling it. ur not fcukin broken for grieving in ur own way. ur jst someone who has loved deeply, and now learning to live differently bcoz of dat love.

and on the days it gets too heavy, rmbr dis: u r not alone. for i've been there, too. and surviving. 

u will, too!