u still dun knw y, do u?

u dun really knw wat happened. 

one moment they were there - familiar, present, part of ur daily rhythm, filling in ur pulse and every heartbeats - and then suddenly, they were not. no msg explaining y. no clear goodbye. jst spaces. distance. silence.

and now u r left sitting wit it. wit the not knowing. wit the fcukin weight of words unsaid, and questions dat echo in ur chest, at night.

u've tried to be logical about it. maybe u missed somethg. maybe they were hurting. maybe they were struggling. or maybe u were not enough. or, too much? u've twisted urself into every version of "wat if" jst to find some kinda closure - but it never really comes, does it?

instead, u tell urself stories to ease the fcukin ache. u imagine they r still nearby. dat they hav not really 'left' - they r jst moved next door. dat somehow, they r still close, watching quietly, thinkin of u from across some invisible wall. and in a way, dat helps. it keeps u from falling apart.

but here the thg no one tell u: even if they r jst next door.. wat good is dat if they act like u r not even there? if they've stopped listening? if they've closed the door and u r still fcukin standin outside hoping it'll open again? 

u r holding on to somethg they've alrdy walked away from.

and dats the hardest part - isnt it? the holding on. the fcukin holdin on when u dun knw wats left to cling on to. the waiting for clarity dat may never come. the silence dat feels heavier than any argument cld. bcoz u din get to say, "wait". u din get to ask, "why". u din get a choice.

yet, here u r. standing infront of somethg dat dosnt move. u dun knw whether to stay, or walk away. u hav told urself they r jst next door - still around, still reachable, still caring in some invisible way. maybe dats true. maybe it is not. ur not even sure anymore. u keep hoping for a sign, somethg dat says u still matter. but the fcukin silence jst keep goin.

and no matter how close they mght be, it doesnt feel like they r coming back, u r still here, jst like before, stuck between remembering and and letting go - unsure if ur holding on to somethg good, or jst the echo of it.

maybe u'll figure it out. maybe u wont.