kinda love u deserve.

 

in a relationship, truth shldnt feel like a crime scene u r forced to investigate. love was never meant to turn u into a detective - checking, doubting, reading between silences, searching for wat shld hav been given freely.

when somethg is real, it doesnt hide. it sits in the open. it speaks clearly. it lets u rest.

a real relationship is build on trust - the kind dat doesnt make u question ur own instincts. the kind where honesty is not dragged out, but offered. where conversations r safe, not startegic. where u r loved, w/o confusion.

and if u read dis - do knw u deserve dat kinda love. not half-truths. not secrets dresses as privacy. not the exhaustion of chasing clarity from someone who keeps moving it further away.

u deserve peace. openess. somethg honest enough dat u never hav to go lookin for the truth - bcoz it was there wit u, all along.

the knwing.

 

theres a time u wld wait for it, like it meant somethg. not loudly, not in ways anyone cld see - jst in small, quiet habits u never admitted to. a glance here, a pause there, dat subtle hope u carried wit u thru the day. day after day. month after month. it became somethg familiar, almost comforting in its own strange way.

and when it came - it always felt like relief. like somethg u din realise u were holding ur breath for had finally let u exhale. u never questioned it. u never stopped urself. u jst let it in. easily. naturally. like it belonged. again and again.

but now - it finally comes. the same way. the same fcuking presence. the same thg dat used to mean everythg. only dis time - it doesnt stay.

theres no rush in u anymore. no quiet excitement building in ur chest. u dun find urself reaching for it the way u used to. instead, theres jst a pause - and then a kind of silence dat lingers longer than it shld. not uncomfortable, jst unfamiliar. it feels like hearing somethg once important, but from a distance. like it belongs to a version of u, u can still rmbr clearly.. but no more.

and u keep thinkin about dat version of u - the one who wldve been so sure, so present, so willing to hold onto dis moment like it mattered. u wonder when dat changed. u wonder when u stopped waiting w/o even noticing u had.

bcoz nothg about it really different. the same pattern, the same return, the same ol'shyte. the same feelin dat once pulled u in w/o effort. but somewhere along the way, somethg in u learned to stay still. not out of anger. not even out of hurt any more. jst, a quiet kind of knwing.

and maybe dats wat makes it feel a lil heavier then u expected – not the absence of wat u used to feel; but the realization dat u rmbr it so well - and still cant feel it the same, anymore.

the ppl we cant find twice

some ppl r truly once-in-a-lifetime. u wont find them twice, and once they r gone, no one else will ever feel the same again.

we live in a world dat tells us to "move on"fast, as if ppl r interchangeable and connections r disposable. but the truth is, some bonds leave fingerprints on ur soul. these ppl saw u differently. they understood u in ways no one else cld, or wld; bringing out a version dat only existed when u were wit them. losing them is not jst about losing a person - it is about losing dat specific part of urself. 

often, we hurt those closest to us - not bcoz we r mean, but bcoz we r careless. we take thgs for granted. we assume forgiveness is a bottomless pit and dat they'll always come back. dat they'll stay there, stays the same forever. but not everyone waits. some ppl walk away quietly, carrying their pain wit dignity. by the time u realise wat they actually meant to u - their absence is alrdy permanent.

so, rmbr dis - be gentle wit the hearts dat trust u. speak wit kindness. put urself in it, and see hows thgs goes around. apologise when u fcukin mess up. appreciate the ppl who bring light into ur life while they r still standing in front of u. the most meaningful connections r often the most fragile; once broken, they dun always come back.

not every soul is replaceable. some r one of a kind. dun push em away, bcoz u mght never find their kinda, again.