a few hours after i got my last entry posted ystrday, someone texted me. a fren of mine, a good person wit a good heart, asked the question above. reading it, i was kinda taken aback, not sure how to react. maybe we’ve all been thru it before. maybe we haven’t. maybe we hav, but jst din realize it. maybe i’ve been thru it too, and maybe those r the thgs dat change u over time.
i gez sometimes life takes u by surprise. u mght find urself reacting in ways u dun really comprehend, only to discover later dat it was not about the moment at all - it was somethg deeper, somethg unresolved. it is like lugging a hefty bag dat u neglected to pack, and then it spills open.
frankly speaking, i cld list all the ideal ideas by the book for him. i cld jst puke out all those dat i've learnt for him. but dat doesnt sound right, kan? dat 'senang la cakap' yet u knw shyte on how dat makes him feel, is somethg else. we r all human beings, flesh and blood. we r all been there, somewhere. jst dat u want to admit it or not, itu je. coz to make peace wit urself begins wit acknowledging ur weight. the burden u've been carrying around for years. u dun push it away or pretend it isnt there. u knw dat is not right. it mght make u feel good for a lil while, but the fact is - ur fcukin not. so, u gotta sit wit it. u gotta allow urself to feel it, even if it is so bloody uncomfortable. ignoring it will not make it go away; it will simply get louder the next time. trust me, u knw better.
u gotta trace it back. ask urself: where tf is dis coming from? y does it hurt so badly? and yes, the answers may not be easy, it cld be scary, or hurtful, but they r vital. they remind u dat the actual effort is not about repairing the surface, but about curing dat lies beneath it.
and forgiving oneself can be the most difficult thg. forgive urself for holding the anguish for longer than necessary, for allowing it to spill over into ur behaviours, and for simply being human. it is not easy, but it's worth attempting. forgive urself for being vulnerable; forgive urself for trippin. forgiving urself doesnt mean ur weak, it shows ur stronger, bigger than anythg at all.
let it out in any way dat feels natural. write it down, speak wit someone, or simply sit in silence to process it. and ur seeing me writing all dis, and watdya think? i am doin dis for no reason? i am fcukin clearing my thoughts—for it deserves somethg better. and trust me—there is no right or wrong approach, as long as it moves u forward. yes. forward.
and rmbr, making peace is not a big, dramatic breakthru. it is a silent procedure. some days u'll feel lighter, and others u won't. or u mght not. but dats fine. dat is ok. for wat matters is dat, u try.
i believe dat peace is not about deleting the past; it is about learning to live wit it, differently. u dun go suppressing ur memories, but u go around and dance to it well. jst like a river after a storm, the water may not be fully clear, yet indeed, it continues to flow.
and so will u.
No comments:
Post a Comment