easier, but lonelier.

 

so, ur letting go now.

it is not becoz u want to; it is becoz u hav to. holding on has started to feel like gripping a rope dat burns ur hands. ur clinging on to somethg u dun knw, somethg u dun understand - and it's tiring. sometimes, the hardest part of love is not about losing someone - it is about finding the strength to let them fcukin go away. but maybe lettin go isnt about giving up; maybe it is about giving space. space for them to grow. for them to be wat they wanna be. and space for u to breathe.

one day, u knw they’ll find wat they r looking for. darn u knw it is not u, but somethg else. or someone else. they’ll stumble upon dat one thg dat makes their heart race in the quiet moments, or maybe they’ll discover the kind of peace they’ve been searching for all along. and when dat day comes - and when they r ready to open their heart again, u wish they dun push ppl away, again. like they did, to u.

it is easier, isnt it? keepin ppl at fcukin arm’s length. it’s safe. it’s predictable. no one can fcukin hurt u if no one gets close enuff. fcuk u knw dis good, but then u lose grip. ur down to ur knees, and trouble sets in. it is easy to push ppl away, ofkoz. u wont be hurt, and probably u think others wont be hurt, as well. u think. but do knw dat, pushing ppl away it’s also very lonely.

and u knw loneliness is not jst the absence of ppl; it is the absence of connection. and connection? dats the shyte dat keeps us human. not the surface-level kind, but the raw, messy, bloody beautiful kind. the kind dat forces u to be vulnerable, to let someone in even when it scares u. even  when u dun knw how and wat it may bring u. 

u’ve probably told urself dat walls are safer than doors. but bulshyte, walls dun keep out the ache; they just echo it back to u, louder and louder, until it’s all u can hear. and u want them to rmbr dis - when they’re ready - when they’re truly ready; dun let fear win. open the door. let someone in. let dat someone see the parts of them they’ve hidden away, the scars they’ve been too afraid to show. u want them to knw, dat not everyone will hurt them. not everyone will leave. not like wat they've done to u. or probably, to others too.

u r letting go now, not becoz it’s easy, but becoz it’s necessary. and maybe one day, they’ll understand dat love is not always about staying - it is about setting free, and letting them go free to be wat they wanna be.

but when above all, u want them to rmbr, if they finally find wat they’re looking for, they hav to promise themselves dat they’ll choose connection over fear. for u knw it wont be easy, but neither is loneliness.

and if u read dis - do take care of urself.