the void.

 

there’s a kind of emptiness dat doesnt always make sense. it’s not loud. it doesnt scream shyte out for help. it jst.. sits there. quietly. inside u. u wake up, go about ur day, do wats expected. u laugh when ur supposed to. u show up for others. u keep moving. and yet - deep inside - u feel it. dat strange hollowness. like somethgs missing, but u cant explain wat.

dats the void.

its not depression. not exactly. its not even sadness. its dis quiet ache dat stays wit u even when life looks perfectly fine on the outside. even when ppl say u r doin well. even when ur surrounded by others.

the void shows up in the quiet moments. after the calls end. after the work is done. when the house is still. and dat thought of 'u’ve been strong for too long. and s'where along the way, a part of u is losing.”

u’ve probably tried to fill it. wit more work. more giving. more doing. maybe u’ve kept urself busy so u wldnt hav to feel it. maybe u’ve convinced urself it is nothg - dat it’ll pass. but deep down, u knw it’s been there for a while.

the truth is, the void isnt asking to be filled. it’s asking to be felt.

it’s built from all the times u held ur breath and pushed thru. all the days u din speak ur truth bcoz u din want to be a burden. all the moments u told urself, 'i am fine,' when really, u jst needed someone to say, 'u dun have to be.'

and the truth is, a lot of ppl carry dis silently. they keep showin up, they keep functioning, they even laugh and joke - but inside, somethg's unsettled. and they dun knw how to explain it w/o feeling dramatic or weak. 

and maybe, i said maybe -  healing doesnt come from tryin to fix it all. maybe it begins when u jst allow urself to admit, 'i am not ok right now,' w/o guilt. maybe it is about giving urself permission to feel the ache w/o rushing to shut it down or pretend it is not real.

if u’ve been feeling dat void too - pls knw ur not the only one. ur not broken. ur jst human. and honestly, s'times dats all u need to be. 

let dat be enuff, for now.