2M2H vs EOM.

 

been a while since aku write back again, and this time around in dis new blog. i had 2 different blogs before, and yes -i’ve deleted both, for there’s nothg left to rmbr pun. syg, yes. aku dah byk tulis my mind, my emotions, and all in there, tp for some reason, aku delete je sng.

and smlm - i received a text from a bestie. member sekepala ni. aku tau she did read my updates now and then, but i never expected dat she’ll do the same on dis new one (but i am glad, really. and aku appreciated it well!). and aku suka the feedback - looks like i’m not being my real self; i wrote thgs so superficially, and not being true to myself pun sebenarnya. hahaha, i must agree wit dat pun. sbb at the end of the day, even after writing (which i used to feel ok most of the time), yet this time around, aku still rasa there’s somethg yg tak tercerita. ko fhm kan? huhu.

aku took dat feedback as somethg more of an observation than a complaint. even if it is a complaint pun, i wldn’t mind. i can learn and improve definitely. aku tau, the previous one feels more personal, evasive, true about everythg, yet dis one feels familiar. mcm u’ve read it somewhere else, and now ko baca sekali lagi. macam tu. and of course, aku tau it is less “me” pun.

and aku sure ko tahu benda ni jugak - kdg2 bila kita try hard to write somethg yg “menarik” or “memenuhi jangkaan” org lain, ko akan hilang essence sbnr of urself pun. my previous writings, aku kena admit, were more evasive, maybe sbb they came from a place yg lebih “raw,” jujur, and tak peduli sgt apa yg org lain fikir. and the price? ada je pulak yg dok tanya, “Shah, ko ok?” or “r u writing about urself?” and benda-benda macam tu.  as much as i appreciate the concern, tp kdg2 seriau la jgk. tu belum kira yg screenshots, shared with others, and talked shyte about it. i mean, mcm la aku kisah sgt pun. sbb the fact is, maybe it is about me. and maybe it’s not. 

and dis new blog - aku sendiri rasa mcm lebih “diproses” or “disaring,” watnot, as if aku tulis utk org lain, bukan for myself.

i love dis. i really do. and yes, aku will definitely do the needful. thanks! God bless u.