owh, btw - aku awal pg ni. probably most of the mornings mmg aku awal, tp pg ni a bit awal sket since i need to escape all the jams, sesak jalan sbb Merdeka rehearsal planned, for the day. aku thank God sbb parking kat Masjid Besi tu still boleh masuk - and i jst walked happily up to the work place, as usual.
sedar tak sedar (aku sedar sebnrnya), dah genap sebln aku kat sini. Putrajaya, to be precise. i hav been here at dis green, glassy building (the HQ for training) for thousand times, yet tak pernah terfikir i'd ended up working here. ramai yg tanya like, "shah, serious la.. ko mtk tukar BPL?", "ko request ke?" for fcuk sake y wld y? my fmly my everythg is there kat Ipoh, i'd stay there smpai pencen - kalo umur pjg. kan?
tp fikir2 balik - the changes. nobody like changes. esp kalo ko dah selesa, settled, comfortable, dah complacent segala. but dats the thang - bila ko dah selesa, ko akan ended up jd tepu, stagnant. and one sweet day ko realise yg ko tak ke mana pun, and ur there somewhere, stuck. i had dat feeling, certainly. i knw i hav potential - tp i jst dun knw how and where to go about it. u jst dun knw mcmana nak unlock the whole shyte. until dat one particular day, on 3/7/2025 (ofkoz aku rmbr), aku dpt surat arahan pertukaran ke HQ, and it was kinda muktamad. i was shocked, ffs. i was down, scared – for the unknown, the uncertainty. Damia baru register her uni, and i had to leave the wifey back home, alone. i jst cant think. i cant see way out. kepala aku kosong. koyak. guilty. lost. all in one.
so, upon nasihat from some big shots and all, aku buat rayuan. Pengarah sokong, katanya “for the sake of the organization”. alhamdulillah. and wit dat, nama aku suddenly started floating around in BPL - SUB TSUB yg tak pernah tau my existence, finally kenal aku. for some reasons. but yeah, i couldn't care less – that's my only last resort pun. but still, ketentutan Allah tu lagi hebat - tak lulus. nak tak nak, aku kena lapor diri - dgn tempat baru, new faces, new tanggungjawab and all.
and yes, ketentuan Allah tu mmg hebat - luar dr jangkaan kita. Allah permudahkan in most of the thgs, dr tmpt tggl, proses kerja, co-operation from org2 yg baik kat sini and all, at least terubat rasa kosong dan bersalah aku, alhamdulillah.
deep down, aku tahu this is jst the beginning. a new chapter, a different journey. kalo nak tunggu diri sendiri berubah, maybe susah. but bila keadaan memaksa, we learn faster. we hav no choice but to adapt, and adopt. so aku lapangkan hati, terima seadanya watever dat is, and in no time - i started adapting. "Allah ada", someone used to keep telling me dat.
i knw there's a lot of the unknown jauh dpn sana, byk cabaran yg aku tak tau jadahnya - but changing ur way looking at it, rasa willing utk pick em up as a challenge – will definitely help a bit. workdays r ok here - aku had few familiar faces dr SAS utk aku stop and gossip2 jap hahaha.. cuma after 5pm, life changed mode completely - aku rasa sunyi, nothg much to do. so aku get myself busy doin some briskwalk, read some new books, and crash by 930pm. and i am doin good. nak merayau2 pun tatau nak pi mana. and i hav no one to really ajak doin so pun. life suddenly jd super simple. and i kinda like it. so, yeah.
and ptg ni aku akan terus shoot balik Ipoh, since Merdeka and i wanna be out of dis place. aku despise all the crowded places, jams and all. malas aku. and next week, since ada kursus protokol tgh2 mggu di SAS (again), aku decided to jst smbg cuti. so tak pyh la aku saie' pi balik Ipoh - PutJay sgt, kan?
i am doin good, if u may ask. and mohon doa agar aku terus kuat, and dis all wld be jst temporary for me. kan?
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