the silence u choose.

s'times it is easier for u to jst stay silent than to explain how not ok u really r. u knw - deep down - dat there r ppl who care. but u also believe they'll never fully understand the weight u carry inside.

ur sick wit the whole thg. u really r. and if u ever dared to say dat out loud, ppl wld rush in wit motivation, wit encouragement, wit their best intentions. and yes, u knw they mean well. u knw they r tryin to help. but still - those words dun reach u  anymore. not when u've heard them over and over again, hoping they'd be true. hoping trow really wld be better. and yet, here ur - still struggling.

so when someone asks if ur alrite, u'd rather jst say "i am fine", "i am good". not bcoz it is, but bcoz it is easier than explaining the whole fcukin thang wat cant be explained.

u do wanna share ur piece of story. but not wit someone who'll sprinkle silver linings over ur fcukin storm. ur not looking for some bright skies - u want someone who gets the rain. someone who understand dat life is not always beautiful, dat some days r jst.. probably, survival. u dun need cheering up. u need honesty. u need someone who wont flinch when u say, "i am fcukin tired. i am on the edge". someone who wont try to fix u, but will jst sit wit u in the heaviness, and say "i knw it's hurt. and i am here".

until then, u will keep it all inside. not bcoz u want to, but bcoz u r still waitin for dat one person who doesnt jst hear u - but feels u. someone who understands dat u r not jst feelin low, u r fighting not to let go.