u hate how easily u get hurt by ppl. it is like even the smallest thgs cut fcukin deep - a careless word, a cold tone, being left out, or being taken for granted. and when it happens, it makes u feel like u dun matter. like u r jst.. not enuff. not worth a fcukin effort.
there r moment when the pain feels too much. not bcoz ur weak, but bcoz u cared. bcoz u gav ur bloody best. and yet, some ppl still treat u like cold shyte. like ur invisible. like ur kindness is somethg to be used, not appreciated.
u jst wish ppl understood how heavy their words and actions can be. dat sometimes, wat they say in passing, stays wit someone for years. for a long time. dat healing is not as simple as "moving on". for someone like u, it is slow. it is so fcukin slow. it is quiet. and it hurts long after the moment is gone.
u dun heal easily. u carry thgs wit u. u wish u r jst like everyone out there. but u jst cant. u replay situations, wondering wat u did wrong, or y u were not enuff. and the truth is, u hate dat about urself - dat u feel too deeply, for everythg. dat u care so much.
sometimes u wish u din. u wish u cld jst switch it off, stop the overthinking, stop givin chances, stop givin a fly fcuk, stop hoping ppl will be better. but u cant. u jst cant. it is not who u r. wat hurts the most is not jst the pain - it is the feelin like u hav no choice but to accept it quietly. to carry it alone while still tryin to be kind.
all u've ever wanted is for the love and care u giv to be returned. not perfectly, no. jst, honestly. genuinely. bcoz feeling too much shldnt be a curse.
and yet, sometimes, it feels like it is.
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