there’s a peculiar kind of silence dat creeps into the corners of our lives, kan? not the kind dat comes wit peace or rest, but the one dat settles in when the noise of purpose seems to fade. it doesnt scream; it whispers. a nagging, soft hum dat asks: wat r u doing? y does it all feel so still?
u r not sad - at least not entirely. nor r u lost in despair or somethg. it is more like standing in the mid of a vast, gray field, not sure where the horizon went. the days stretch long, yet u cant quite fill them. even when u smile, when u laugh, somethg feels unshaken beneath the surface - a quiet weight, unnoticed by others, but unmistakable to u.
it is not the kinda feeling u wanna talk about over coffee. u dun hav the words. how do u explain to someone dat u r not exactly unhappy, jst... untied? like a balloon dat’s not yet floating away, but is not held tightly anymore either.
but maybe dis is wat being human feels like, sometimes. to drift between moments of meaning, to lose sight of the shore before the next wave of purpose sweeps in. maybe dis ache, dis restlessness, is not the enemy. maybe it is the pause between two verses of a fcukin song - a space where u get to breathe, even if u dun knw dat u need to. even if u dun knw wat comes next.
it’s okay to feel dis way. u dun hav to rush to fix it, or push it aside. let the feeling be wat it is - a part of u dat doesnt need solving rite now. maybe it is jst ur mind asking for a pause, a moment to catch up wit everythg else.
and when it passes - and it will - u’ll find urself moving forward again, maybe even w/o realizing it. life doesnt always hand us clear answers or grand moments of clarity. but even in dis boredom, dis stillness, theres somethg quietly happening.
rmbr - u r still here, still trying, and dats more than enuff, for now.
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